Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
