All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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