i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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