There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I understand Curling. That high.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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