Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
