Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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