I CAN MOONWALK!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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