I didn't shave. On purpose
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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