im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
