Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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