just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
