Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
