he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
