I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
