slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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