Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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