You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I look better un-naked...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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