he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
