Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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