is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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