A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
