I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
