god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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