We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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