Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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