I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
