Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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