and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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