I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
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We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
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That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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