Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
