So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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