So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
