Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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