Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
50% drunk capacity currently
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
