got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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