apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
