census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
