i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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