There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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