My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
