Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
