oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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