'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize
