He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
