We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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