i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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