I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
