those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
