im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
