If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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