All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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