Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
