I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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