Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
