"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
