I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
