we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
