Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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