your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
