Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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